Acceptance

This day, the day that i realized that all things that happened to me is something that I deserved.

i started my year hoping to find someone that can understand me..
i tried to forget him...i never text him for a while and to my surprise..
He got a girl in an a split second! i wanted to kill him and slap his face for him to see that the girl he was flirting with was a blah!! Not worth it!
But unknowingly, that guy was a blah too.. he used that girl to make fun of and his girl to realized what was something wrong with them…i moved on he doesn’t deserved my offer.
And then there's this strange guy..a guy that i never thought that i will invest so much feelings.. Stupidity knocks on me.. Im into rush of forgetting that person, my feelings towards him runs after me. I never waited for the right time; I take the risk of loving him, Im into rush of forgetting him..then suddenly my heart opens a door for him..all he needs to do was to take one step, just one step.. When he enters the door, memories of laughter and tears were left behind. He left me hanging and about to fall. He taught me everything that you must learn when you are loving someone.. He taught me how to love without asking anything in return and stop when something is not right. Anything I know about love was pointless when I started to take my second risk of loving a person. I thought that he was my forever, but he also shows that he’s not worthy to be my forever. We are different; I never loved him, perhaps I am just overwhelmed with his sweet actions. He never loved me from the start; he just wanted to have a companion.

The learning experience from this is, all things are worth it if we take things as a part of a normal life. We have to accept things positively in order for us to think first before questioning God why it happens and why we experience such things. It is not bad to be angry, and it is not bad to question something that you couldn’t understand but make sure that after you question something, take a deep breath…cry for a while… then move on… nothing really last forever…it is only to the people who knows the real meaning of forever…

Now I can say that I have already move on, that it’s my freaking fault that I never waited for the greatest loves story that He’s still writing.

The next time that I will fall in love I will make sure that this guy will be the luckiest and happiest guy in the world... I will show him forever with me and I will love him and only him while He’s mine. I will write a song that will tell our loves story and a poem that will make his heart beat faster. I will give him the assurance of trust, love and respect.
I will be faithful and always have faith on him..

its Over Now

Numbness fills my body with the bitter goodbyes…
You left me… hanging… waiting…

Sunrise
and Sunset…those sleepless night that I didn’t notice that passed…

Because it was you who keep digging a hole in my mind…and
you who keeps my heart beat fast as it could…
Your stillness in a split second in my life is like a never
ending blast that keeps me tearing apart into pieces… Wordless to say… im
falling…


You came into my life in a second, and I fell in love in a
minute. With those memories that compile in an hour, non stop laughter and
intimacy what a beautiful 1hour of performance. But it’s over now, yes it is…

Tell me, are those words that weakens my heart are just
lies? Do you really care? Are you only using me those times that were together?
Are you really faithful with me? Do you really love me the way I loved you? Do
you know what love means? Does your heart know how to give love and respect?


Im dying to know…Do you really loved me? Or you just fell
out of love faster….


The unanswered thoughts


Why? That I didn’t perceive that you never loved me from the
start…
Why? That I didn’t realize that it was just a show and I am
your toy…
Why? I entertained senseless idea that you love me…even if I
know and feel that you’re only using me?


GREAT PRETENDER…BEST ACTOR…

I hate to say this…but I rather hear that you used me than
to hear such a lame excuses just to for me to split up with you…that you fell
out of love earlier than I expected… at least I know that you have loved me…


I hate you... and all I can say is that you are a man
without balls… I hate you from the inner core of my heart..i don’t know when
will I get over in this pain that im feeling. But the more that I feel the hate
and pain, the more I realized how stupid I am crying for a person who only loves
himself…SELFISH…WORTHLESS…


But no matter how I cursed and hate you for doing this to me…I
still love you…and I guess a part of me will always be with you… My First…
a failure one...


FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST..:(

Pseudo- Relationship

Just wanna share lang yung nabasa ko..sa isang forum..

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings,
possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan. It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang
muna. Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."

Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.

For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.

My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang
pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and
me," hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh.
Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to findout eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan
kita."

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya ... almost, but not quite

Sick of it

im so sick..
tired..exhausted..
close to suffocated
i dont like the feeling..
but im loving it
feeling of you next to mine
makes me feel half alive
you are the reason why i smile
and you are also the reason why im in oblivion..
you don't know how much you mean to me..
cause you never care..
its like im offering my
most beautiful portrait to a blind person..

who am i to you?
what am i to you?
questions playing in m mind
seeking for unanswered thoughts
i want to hold on
but theres no on to hold onto..
i want to let go this feelings
but how can i let go of someone that was never been mine???

i hate it when i think of you every night before i go to sleep..
i hate it every time you lean you head in my shoulder
i hate it when every time my phone beeps..it was you
i hate it when..i see you sad..
i hate it when i know..all that i hate was all that i love the most..