Things i must Keep in Mind this 2010

wow..ang bilis ng panahon..malapit na magbago ng taon..ilang aaw nalang 2010 na..
at ilang buwan nalang..graduate na ako..oye..:) tapos ilang buwan nalng din..Board exam na..!!
malapit na magtapos ang pagging istudyante ko at welcome to the real world of unemployed and employed..to the REAL world..na wala ng kopyahan..:) sa pagsapit ng taong 2010.. may ilang bagay na dapat na isipin ko..para magkaron ako ng direksyon..motibasyon..at insipirasyon..:)

MAKAPASA SA: Short term
1. Revalida
2. Nursing Audit
3. candidate for graduation
4. Board Exam

wee.. RN na!:D Jielliane Mae Virtudazo Santos R.N.

..(mga sana..)
-makahanap ng trabaho agad
-mag apply sa San lazaro or Ospital ng Muntinlupa..(sana sana)
-mag Masteral ng Nursing
-maging Clinical Instructor..:)
-maka sweldo agad
-maka ipon agad..magkaron ng ATM, credit cards, Bank account..:D

..(mga iiwasan)
-pag inom
-pangongopya minsan
-pagpapakopya
-pagpupuyat
-pag fafacebook
-pagtetxt
-pag iisip ng kung anu ano..

..(mga dapat pahalagahan laging isipin)
-si papa..
-si mama at kuya
-si alan
-kaibigan ko..(yung tunay din na nagpapahalaga sakin..)
-sarili ko

..(mga dapat gawin)
-mag aaral ako
-pipiliting magbasa
-iiwas minsan kung may lakad ang tropa
-gagawa ng reviewer..
-ipon mode..

hays..kahit di matupad lahat yan..basta matupad ang unang apat..:D
masaya na ako..:) i know..God Has better plans for me..plans to prosper me and not to harm me..

KAYA KO TO!!

Merry Christmas 2009

this is it! its Christmas eve..
na miss ko lahat..diba ang pasko ay para sa mga taong malalapit sayo? para kay Jesus..sa knyang birthday..God is Love.when there is love..there is forgiveness..when there is forgiveness there is peace..and when there is peace there is love..and GOD IS LOVE..God is everywhere..

this Christmas..ito na siguro ang pinaka malungkot na pasko ko..ito ang unang paskong may sinabihan akong mahal kita..pero di ko kasama..unang pasko na di kami sabay sabay kumain ni kuya at mama..unang pasko na nagbigay ako ng gift..unang pasko na wala akong ginawa kundi mag isip..malungkot..masaktan..

Binigyan tayo ng Diyos ng utak para makapag isip..ng puso para makaramdam..
pero minsan di natin namamalayan..na di na natin nagagamit ang utak natin..nagiging tanga na tayo..pero di masama maging tanga..o aminin tanga tayo..yun nga lang wala pang medalya para sa mga tanga..

kung papipiliin ka ng taong paniniwalaan mo..wag ka magisip..paniwalaan mo kung sino o ano ang makakapagpaligaya sayo..in the end..magmuka ka mang tanga..masaya ka naman.. dahil di mo naman alam ang tama sa lahat ng mali..ang katotohanan sa lahat ng kasinungalingan..Sa mundong ito, wala kang ibang pwedeng pagkatiwalaan kundi ang sarili mo lamang..

di natin kilala ang isat isa para humusga ng kapwa..may iba ilang taon ng magkakilala di pa nila alam na bading pala ang taong ksama nila..may iba na isang araw lng magkilala..pinagkakatiwala na ang cellphone o anuman..wala tayong karapatan na husgahan at patawan ng habang buhay na pagkabilanggo ang isang tao dahil lang sa napakaraming bagay na nagawa niya sa buhay niya..wag natin ikulong sa utak natin na walang karapatan magbago ang baboy..

walang tama o mali kung nagmahal ka..magmamahal ka msasaktan ka iiyak ka sasaya ka..pare parehO..iikot ang mundo..pero ikaw di ka dapat umikot kasabay nito..
magsusugal ka mawawalan ka ng pera..tataya ka ulit..mangungutang..tapos magsusugal..
tatakbo ka mapapagod..tatakbo ulit..madadapa..magpapahinga..tapos tatakbo ulit..

kung pagod pwede magpahinga..
kung wala ng maitaya..pwedeng mag ipon..
kung sobrang nasaktan kana..malamang..wala ng isasakit pa yan..

Hindi mo naman kailangang gawin lahat para maging masaya. Kailangan mo lang alagaan yung nagpapasaya sa’yo para hindi siya mawala..


MISS KO NA SI PAPA..:(

Disyembre bente dos..09

i love you love..

The world will get tired of me. You will get tired of me. I will get tired of myself, and I...and I will never get tired of you...

i love loving you..i miss you..:(

love,
Jielliane..

Pagtakbo

bakit ganun? Di kita maramdaman??
alam mo bang di na tlga kita maramdaman?
pilit kitang inaabot..pero di kita maabutan..masyado kang mabilis..
sa pagtakbo mo..nakalimutan mong may humahabol din sayo para makapantay mo..
pero ang layo mo na..di na kita matanaw..
pero tatakbo ako..hahabulin kita..di ako mapapagod kahit ilang ikot pa ang gawin mo..pero kung sakaling di kita maabutan..isipin mo nalang na baka nadapa ako..nagpapagaling..para tumakbo uli..:(

Bob Marley On How To Love A Woman

Bob Marley On How To Love A Woman

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

- Bob Marley

Letter of a hopeful heart

"i was alone in unknown road, when suddenly you came along, Right then, i wish the road would never end.. Because id rather be lost with you than be alone without you.."

This is isn’t the sweetest love letter ever.. this is not a love letter.. Its just a letter to remind you how much you mean to me, how special you are in many ways you cannot see..

you may not appreciate it now..But i HOPE..that maybe many years from now..or maybe as time passes by..When you find time to read it again..i just HOPE.. you'll appreciated it and "SUMABOG KA at MALAMAN MO kung GAANO kita KAMAHAL"

Dear Love of my Life,

As the days continue to pass, my love for you continues to grow. I never thought I had the capacity to love anybody as much as I love you right now. Yet, my love for you continues to mature, growing beyond the realm of my heart. It seems that you have become the fiber of my soul, the very reason for my existence.

i never thought of having feelings to a stranger like you..but you showed me how to adore a perfect stranger.

I never thought of falling in love to a stranger like you.. but then again you showed me how to trust a perfect stranger to catch me whenever I fall..

I never thought of liking you.. but…im liking you..a lot..and it consumes me..

I never thought of loving you..but..IM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU…

I wish I didn't have to miss you. If only you could be with me always. I know I could never be any happier. But then again, I know that the day will come when I will be able to spend my every waking moment with you.

__tagalog__

Ikaw yung tipong napapasaya ako..dahil sa simpleng hirit na emo ako..kahit alam mo namang EMO ka din..Ikaw yung matandang Binata na nagpakita ng pagiging Bata..sa panunukso at pangaasar.. ikaw yung nagsabing Gunk ako..kahit wala naman sa diksyonaryo yun..ikaw yung ” BAD GUY “na nagpakita sakin na mas ok ang bad dahil wala na silang ibang gagawin kundi ang magpakabuti.. ikaw din yung taong maiinitin ang ulo..pero mahal ko..ikaw yung ayaw ang makulit..pero makulit ka din.. at higit sa lahat ikaw yung taong nagbigay sakin ng pagkakataong magmahal ulit..at magtiwala..ikaw yung mahal ko..

__tagalog__

I miss every aspect of you.. your hair, you eyes, your face, your nose, your lips, your dimples, your body, your embrace everything.. i just hope that you feel it the way I wanted you to feel it..i may not be the perfect person for you, but I hope you have any idea how important you are to me. .just a concept of how much I love you..

I love you..

Mr. Perfect Stranger

"friday the 13th"

You'll know you're in Love 'coz when you'll think about them,
your heart will start singing
the sweetest tunes in heaven..

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

dahil kaibigan kita..kaibigan mo ko..at magkaibigan tayo..

makita lang kitang masaya, kakayanin kong magpatawa
makasama ka lang, handa kong patayin ng oras para huminto ito sa pagtakbo..
makausap ka lang, kaya kong sumigaw ng malakas kahit gaano ka kalayo
dahil kaibigan kita..kaibigan mo ko..at magkaibigan tayo..

para sayo, handa akong maging habang buhay mong kaibigan..
para sayo, magiisip ako ng magpapangiti sayo sa malulungkot mong gabi
para sayo, handa akong hindi matulog samahan kalang sa mga kadramahan mo
dahil kaibigan kita..kaibigan mo ko..at magkaibigan tayo..

Unti-unti akong namamatay..unti-unti mo kong pinapatay..

simpleng hawak mo nagyeyelo lahat ng mga nasa isip ko
simpleng ngiti mo sumisikip mundo ko..
dahil sa simpleng tingin mo..parang talim siya sa puso ko
dahil kaibigan lang kita..kaibigan mo lang ko..at magkaibigan lang tayo..

kung gagawa man ako ng tulay para sa atin sana umabot sayo
kung gagawa ka man ng tulay..sana umabot sa kanya
masaya ako dahil masaya ka sa kanya..
ikaw ang aking habangbuhay..at siya ang habangbuhay mo..
dahil kaibigan lang kita..kaibigan mo lang ko..at magkaibigan lang tayo..

mahal kita..dahil kaibigan kita..
{ December 2, 2008 }

Walang kasiguraduhan

girl: baka makita nila tayo..halika dito..(sabay beso)
boy: bakit?ayaw mo bang malaman nila na tayo na? na girlfriend na kita?
girl: hindi naman..ang akin lang naman..mas maganda naman diba na kahit di nila alam atleast alam natin sa isat isa na tayo..
boy: pero bakit kailangan itago? kinakahiya mo ba ako ang boyfriend mo? or worst?baka di mo ako mahal?
girl: hindi sa hindi kita mahal..ang akin lang kung sakali man na magbreak tayo, hindi halata na naging tayo pala at walang mga tsismis na kakalat..at walang masama sa paningin ng ibang tao..hindi ikaw hindi ako..wala..
boy: 2 days palang tayo, bakit iniisip mo na agad na baka magkahiwalay tayo? anu ba hindi kita maintindihan..(inis)
girl: hindi.. naman..(hinawakan ang kamay ng guy at tumitig sa mata nya)
boy: ano?
girl: hindi mo kasi naiintindihan..mahal naman kita eh..
boy: bakit nga??!! sabihin mo kasi?
girl: ang akin lang..unang boyfriend kita at ayaw ko namang maging sandalian ang relasyong ito, pero hinahanda ko lang sarili ko na KUNG SAKALI man na magkahiwalay tayo..handa ako at hindi ako ganun masasaktan..alam mo naman na takot akong masaktan.. hindi naman natin sure..
boy: (tahimik)
girl: naiinitdihan mo ba??
boy: hindi..iniisip ko hindi mo naman siguro talaga ako mahal..kaya ka nag iisip ng ganyan..ni hindi mo ko kayang ipagmalaki..at hindi rin kita makausap kahit nasa isang classroom tayo..hanggang tingin lang ako sayo..ni hindi mo rin ako nilalapitan..nasasaktan ako..hindi mo ba alam yon???
girl: (biglang yumuko) alam mo bang mas mahal kita kaysa sa mahal mo ako? hindi lang ikaw ang nahihirapan..mas nahihirapan ako, dahil wala akong kasiguraduhan..hindi ko alam kung tunay bang mahal mo ko?siguro pag nakakasigurado na ko..baka ipagsigawan ko pa..na mahal kita..
boy: bakit? mahal naman kta ah..
girl: oo..sinasabi mo..gusto ko maniwala..sana alam mong gusto kong maniwala..(sa malungkot na mukha na may pag aalangan)
boy: (biglang niyakap ng mahigpit ang girl)
boy: maniwala ka sana..kung hindi pa natin mapakita ang pagmamahal sa isat isa..alam ko darating din yung time na..mararamdaman natin na mahal talaga natin ang isat isa..mahal kita at yun ang totoo..
girl: (niyakap ang guy at tumingin sa mata ng guy) ikaw ang una ko..sana ikaw na..yokong umasa sa ganung pangarap pero..hangga’t nararamdaman ko ang ganitong pakiramdam pag kasama ka..alam ko masaya ako..at nararamdaman kong kailangan kita..mahal kita..
boy: mahal din kita..
girl: pero mas nauna akong nagkagusto sayo..kaya alangan ako sayo..(parang nahihiyang tumingin)
boy: hahaha..umamin na din…okay lang yun..
girl: ang sama mo..pinagtatawanan mo ko..kasi ikaw ehh..
boy: bakit ako???ehhh..(sabay kiliti sa kilikili)
girl: anu ba? nakakainis kana..bakit kaba nanunukso?
boy: kaya pala ang bilis mo kong sagutin..dahil may pagnanasa ka na talaga akin noon pa..haha..jokes!
girl: hindi kaya!!
boy: ehh ano??ayaw mo kong pakawalan??
girl: (nag sumimangot)
boy: bakit hindi mo ko niligawan? (mukang nangungutya pa)
girl: (naiinis na)
boy: oyy..nagagalit na sya..hindi na..joke lang naman yun ehh..
girl: hindi ehh..hindi sa ganun..kaya nga ba parang alangan ako sayo ehh..
boy: ay pikon..(nangungutya talaga)
girl: oo napipikon na ko…kasi parang hinintay mo lang na makapagtapat ako sayo tapos wala na..wala na..alam ko hindi mo ko mahal..mahal mo pa ang ex girlfriend mo..yung maganda..yung sexy..yung mas matangkad…yung malambing sayo..yung..
boy: (biglang hinawakan ng guy ang ulo ng girl at hinalikan sa labi)

***tapos***
{ January 10, 2008 )

pain of last goodbye letter

maybe this letter would end our love story that never was..will give closure to all the unanswered questions, thoughts and all..dont say anything..just read..
.
its been a week..i never heard anything from you..you never dare to talk or text me or even to patch things up..looking at things as if we’re strangers..The pain that you brought me was not easy to forget…Every day, I’m hurt,.hurting..
.
.
Sometimes, I’m happy because I wasn’t able to think of you for the whole day, or maybe I was, but choose to ignore the thoughts. Little by little, I’m beginning to learn how to love myself and not entertain your presence. But, sometimes I still feel emotional and choose to think of the past and the good memories we had, those moments we had which were so consumed with passion, and so full of promises. PROMISES NOT TO HURT EACH OTHER..
.
i still wonder..
what happened??why me??
where’s the promises? that youll make my every second o my life happy? That you will never leave me.. and would not HURT me..?
did I hurt you in any ways?that you chose to hurt me silently?? Or maybe..am i just another toy for you?well..thank you for making me feel that way..you win..you make me feel again the worst feeling i’ve ever felt..to love a perfect stranger with a sweetest lie..deleting me in your account is like you’re deleting me in your life..i know i can never replace your love that was lost..AND i know my position..
.
.
MAYBE THERE’S NO REAL SUPERMAN AT ALL..
.
.
.
.
I GUESS THIS IS GOODBYE..:(

There is no real superman; there is no real hero…

There is no real superman; there is no real hero…

But each person has its own kryptonite. Kryptonite that green stone that took all the strength away from Superman, made all of his extraordinary powers useless. Its the person who will be your weakness the time when you already master the art of being strong, he will drains your powers and weakens like poison till eventually you would die. …no matter how hard you try to escape, it will keeps on haunting you until abruptly you are caught…you cant do anything…indescribable stiffness, unspeakable defencelessness, until you find yourself… declining…totally weak poisoned by your own power..

But who’s gonna be your hero? Your knight with a white horse? The one that will save you from being so helpless? The one that will lift you from falling? The one that will make you happy when you’re sad? The one that will never leave you? The one that can make a ten thousand promises? The one that will never let you go? The one… the one…the one who will complete you…the one that will make you define the real meaning of happiness.. maybe none.. maybe not now… or maybe no one..

maybe there is no real superman at all..

Everybody will dump you or will leave you for some unexplainable reason, you’ll just have to accept the fact that nothing is permanent and that there’s no such thing as forever… people will stay, and will leave you with a stain that cant erase by just any ordinary eraser, time is answer.

But where’s the happiness after a painful break up? After knowing that the one you expect to be your superman and saved you from being lonely would leave you. Happiness seem so far away…Cause when he left me without a word, he left me to pick up one million pieces of my broken glass heart, leaving me to heal my broken heart alone, in sadness and despair..


If you could not find the answer maybe the answer would be acceptance.

We can be happy anytime once we understand, that the only place we will ever find genuine happiness, is right inside us… Happiness begins at the point of acceptance: the point when we stop questioning why life can’t be perfect… and accept the world the way it is.


Loving yourself is not always an easy thing to do simply because we think we are not “good enough” or we don’t “deserve it”. The truth is that everyone deserves a chance of happiness and love.

bakit ka masaya?

“pinapatawa lang niya ako pero di niya ako pinapasaya..” linyang narinig ko sa isang drama sa tv..naisip ko, tama nga naman, “we laugh..but are we really happy?”

Nagtangka akong magtanong sa isang taong malapit sa akin kung Bakit siya masaya..

“Bakit ka masaya?”

“bawal ba? kakagising ko lang eh”

“hindi, ahh ok..”

naisip ko,..masaya siya dahil kakagising lang niya?pero pwede din..dahil naging masaya siya dahil mas ok nga naman na magising kaysa hindi na magising..nagtanong din ako..bat ko siya tinanong ng bagay na pwede ko rin naman masagot..sa dulo..di ko parin nasagot..nagtnong uli ako..PANGKLAHATAN na.. BAKIT KAYO masaya..may tatlong sumagot..iba iba..

“masaya ako kasi nakikita ko siyang masaya” sabi ng unang tao

“masaya ako kasi anjan bless ko” sabi naman ng pangalawang tao

“masaya ako kasi napapasaya ko ang mga taong nasa paligid ko” sabi ng taong kakagising lang..

sinagot ko sila..dahil nasa mood akong magtxt ng kung anong nasa utak ko..sabi ko nga mga taeng nagsisiksikang lumabas..sabi ko sa taong na unang tao..

“PLASTIK ka! bat di mo aminin na mas mgiging masaya ka kung ikaw ang nagapapsaya sa kanya..db?wala ka lang choice kaya mo pinili na maging masaya sa kanya..pero ang totoo di naman talaga..”

“you dont need to be the source for her to be happy”

sa huli..di ako nakuntento.:(

sabi ko sa pangalawang tao

“buti kapa..alam mo ang source ng happiness mo..sana magawa kong maging masaya para sa inyo..(parang ang ibig kong sabihin..masaya ako sa knila pero di ako masaya sa sarili ko..”the more people i see..the more i feel alone”)

sabi ko naman sa taong kakagising lang..(di eksakto)

“napakaano naman ng sinabi mo na magiging masaya ka dahil masaya sila..parang di makatotohanan..bat di mo nalang sabihin na kaya ka masaya dahil may scooter ka at maraming chix..”

“kahit wala yun mabubuhay ako, ano kaba, ang motor nasisira ang chix napapalitan pero ang saya at sarap ng sa pakiramdam kasi alam mong may napapasaya ka at napapasaya mo sila”

“kahit gano kadami ang masaya mo nakakasiguro kaba na masaya sila?baka napapatawa mo sila..at kahit gano kadami ang napapatawa mo..masaya ka ba?bat di mo nalang sabihin na gusto mo ding may nagapapasaya sayo, bagay na di nagagawa ng mga taong pinapasaya mo..

“Mali, pinapasaya ko sila, kasi yung ang kasiyahan ko..” paninigurado niya

“ikaw ano ba ang nagapapsaya sayo?” tanong niya..tanong ng taong kakagising lang..

ang nasabi ko..

“hahaha…ang awkward naman para sagutin ko ang bagay na di ko masagot sagot kaya kayo ang pinasagot ko..di ko din alam ang nagpapasaya sakin..isguro napapatawa nila ako pero di nila ako napapasaya..”

“bakit pag tumatawa kaba di kaba masaya?” nangaasar niyang tanong

“haha..if i wear a mask i can pretend into someone else..ganyan ang joker..happiness from within ang hinahanap ko..a thing called Nirvana..:)”

“ang dame mong alam ano ba tingin mo sakin?palaging masaya?as far as i can see ryt now di kana joker ur revealing your real face..nakita mo ba akong malungkot? nagreklamo? magalit? siguro..pero lahat ng yun nababago ko..yoko kasi ng kaawaan ako..i hate that”…..

at isa yun sa bagay na di ko magagawa :( nalulungkot ako para sa sarili ko..pinili kong magmaskara para di mahalatang may problema..pero sa likod ng maskara puno na ito ng insecurities, sadness, loneliness..and all the like..tama nga sila the more you hide it the more it shows..

searching for happiness is something that you have to strive for..

and till now..im still searching for it..

Ano ang Maganda sa payaso?? nakakatakot kaya sila!!!

"mahina ka! alam mong mahina ka..pero bakit ka nagpapanggap na malakas?
ano ang katapangan sa likod ng kaplastikan? sarili mo lang niloloko mo?
alin ang katotohanan sa lahat ng kasinungalingan? natatakpan ka ng sarili mong kahambugan..nilamon ka ng sarili mong mundo..
Mahina ka bat hindi mo aminin?????"

isa siya sa taong kilala ko na takot sa mga payaso..nakakatakot ang payaso..
nagpapasaya sila pero di mo alam ang nasa likod ng kanilang mga make up..
hindi maganda sa paningin niya ang makukulay nilang damit..
ang lipistik nilang lagpas sa labi nila..soBrang pula..parang dugo..
ang muka nilang sobrang puti..
ang mga buhok nilang parang ahas..madaming ahas!!
ang malalaki nilang sapatos..ang damit nila na parang di naman normal..

kaya minsan nagdadalwang isip siya kumain sa Mcdonalds..hindi dahil sa pagkain..
kundi dahil sa mukha ng taong nasa labas ng mcdonalds..
natatakot siya..di niya kilala ito dahil ang alam niya ang muka nila ay hindi totoo..
lahat sa payaso ay isang huwad na kasinungalingan..

nakakapgpasaya sila ng tao..laging nakangiti kahit di naman ngpapatawa..
walang nakakatwa..puro sila magic na alam mong may halong pandaraya..
Hindi masaya..Hindi nakakatuwa..

"mahina ka! alam mong mahina ka..pero bakit ka nagpapanggap na malakas?
ano ang katapangan sa likod ng kaplastikan? sarili mo lang niloloko mo?
alin ang katotohanan sa lahat ng kasinungalingan? natatakpan ka ng sarili mong kahambugan..nilamon ka ng sarili mong mundo..
Mahina ka bat hindi mo aminin?????"

--sabi niya habang nakatingin sa salamin at nakamake na na pang payaso..:(

Acceptance

This day, the day that i realized that all things that happened to me is something that I deserved.

i started my year hoping to find someone that can understand me..
i tried to forget him...i never text him for a while and to my surprise..
He got a girl in an a split second! i wanted to kill him and slap his face for him to see that the girl he was flirting with was a blah!! Not worth it!
But unknowingly, that guy was a blah too.. he used that girl to make fun of and his girl to realized what was something wrong with them…i moved on he doesn’t deserved my offer.
And then there's this strange guy..a guy that i never thought that i will invest so much feelings.. Stupidity knocks on me.. Im into rush of forgetting that person, my feelings towards him runs after me. I never waited for the right time; I take the risk of loving him, Im into rush of forgetting him..then suddenly my heart opens a door for him..all he needs to do was to take one step, just one step.. When he enters the door, memories of laughter and tears were left behind. He left me hanging and about to fall. He taught me everything that you must learn when you are loving someone.. He taught me how to love without asking anything in return and stop when something is not right. Anything I know about love was pointless when I started to take my second risk of loving a person. I thought that he was my forever, but he also shows that he’s not worthy to be my forever. We are different; I never loved him, perhaps I am just overwhelmed with his sweet actions. He never loved me from the start; he just wanted to have a companion.

The learning experience from this is, all things are worth it if we take things as a part of a normal life. We have to accept things positively in order for us to think first before questioning God why it happens and why we experience such things. It is not bad to be angry, and it is not bad to question something that you couldn’t understand but make sure that after you question something, take a deep breath…cry for a while… then move on… nothing really last forever…it is only to the people who knows the real meaning of forever…

Now I can say that I have already move on, that it’s my freaking fault that I never waited for the greatest loves story that He’s still writing.

The next time that I will fall in love I will make sure that this guy will be the luckiest and happiest guy in the world... I will show him forever with me and I will love him and only him while He’s mine. I will write a song that will tell our loves story and a poem that will make his heart beat faster. I will give him the assurance of trust, love and respect.
I will be faithful and always have faith on him..

its Over Now

Numbness fills my body with the bitter goodbyes…
You left me… hanging… waiting…

Sunrise
and Sunset…those sleepless night that I didn’t notice that passed…

Because it was you who keep digging a hole in my mind…and
you who keeps my heart beat fast as it could…
Your stillness in a split second in my life is like a never
ending blast that keeps me tearing apart into pieces… Wordless to say… im
falling…


You came into my life in a second, and I fell in love in a
minute. With those memories that compile in an hour, non stop laughter and
intimacy what a beautiful 1hour of performance. But it’s over now, yes it is…

Tell me, are those words that weakens my heart are just
lies? Do you really care? Are you only using me those times that were together?
Are you really faithful with me? Do you really love me the way I loved you? Do
you know what love means? Does your heart know how to give love and respect?


Im dying to know…Do you really loved me? Or you just fell
out of love faster….


The unanswered thoughts


Why? That I didn’t perceive that you never loved me from the
start…
Why? That I didn’t realize that it was just a show and I am
your toy…
Why? I entertained senseless idea that you love me…even if I
know and feel that you’re only using me?


GREAT PRETENDER…BEST ACTOR…

I hate to say this…but I rather hear that you used me than
to hear such a lame excuses just to for me to split up with you…that you fell
out of love earlier than I expected… at least I know that you have loved me…


I hate you... and all I can say is that you are a man
without balls… I hate you from the inner core of my heart..i don’t know when
will I get over in this pain that im feeling. But the more that I feel the hate
and pain, the more I realized how stupid I am crying for a person who only loves
himself…SELFISH…WORTHLESS…


But no matter how I cursed and hate you for doing this to me…I
still love you…and I guess a part of me will always be with you… My First…
a failure one...


FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST..:(

Pseudo- Relationship

Just wanna share lang yung nabasa ko..sa isang forum..

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings,
possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan. It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang
muna. Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."

Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.

For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.

My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang
pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and
me," hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh.
Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to findout eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan
kita."

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya ... almost, but not quite

Sick of it

im so sick..
tired..exhausted..
close to suffocated
i dont like the feeling..
but im loving it
feeling of you next to mine
makes me feel half alive
you are the reason why i smile
and you are also the reason why im in oblivion..
you don't know how much you mean to me..
cause you never care..
its like im offering my
most beautiful portrait to a blind person..

who am i to you?
what am i to you?
questions playing in m mind
seeking for unanswered thoughts
i want to hold on
but theres no on to hold onto..
i want to let go this feelings
but how can i let go of someone that was never been mine???

i hate it when i think of you every night before i go to sleep..
i hate it every time you lean you head in my shoulder
i hate it when every time my phone beeps..it was you
i hate it when..i see you sad..
i hate it when i know..all that i hate was all that i love the most..